Lighting the world with words.
Love Versus Lust
Much effort has been made to understand the true nature of love. Poets have swooned their songs and laments, while philosophers have drawn a variety of theories to innumerable conclusions. In our world of steadily increasing divorce rates, casual sex, well-funded research efforts, and constant talk show drivel, we seem to be no closer to understanding the phenomena of love.
Many people experience being ‘in love’ in a positively goofy, obsessive/compulsive way. Certainly the rush of falling in lust causes such feelings, but lust and love, while sometimes appearing in concert, are two very different sensibilities.
What is lust and what is love? Is there a difference between the two? If the distinction exists, how does it show itself and what does that contrast mean in our lives?
It is relatively simple to recognize the teenager in the lustful groove of puberty. Certainly, with no more self or societal awareness than most adolescents possess, we can assume pure lust in their coupling motives, with the confusion of ‘love’ thrown in for histrionics. The constantly eager sexual state of being which is clearly associated with puberty stands as the definition of lust. We accept, with some trepidation, this state in the teen, understanding that the newness and intensity of sexual stimulation can be overwhelming to the inexperienced. While there are some exceptions, most of these early relationships never develop beyond curious, excited bumps in the night. Young lovers part with all the drama of a Shakespearean play, yet recover from their bout with ‘love’ at missile speed, only to move on to their next partner for further lessons in passion.
Pure lust, by its’ nature, is for the young. It is unseemly for those meeting the decades of passing to take on its’ charms. Yet the middle aged man (or woman) inclines to willfully disregard character, covenant, principle, and take up with another in direct opposition to all he has held dear through his life – his pledge, his integrity, his honor. In doing so, he shows the effects of lust. He happily betrays everything of importance in his life with utter disregard for the resulting injury to his loved ones, all for chemistry, alchemy, being somehow magically transformed – ‘in love.’ He reminds us of nothing more than the ancient symbol of the grey-bearded goat in full rut, chasing after his prurient booty. He is under a spell, reaching for lost vigor, ready to destroy that which he has spent years – frequently a lifetime – to develop, ardent to devastate the hard earned respect of friends and family, all for a connection based upon physical responses to exotic stimuli.
Meanwhile, he declares himself as being ‘in love’ without the ability to clearly define the nature of his coupling or characteristics of his beloved which separate her from all others. In time, when the chemical reaction fades, he comes to realize the damage his amorous adventure has caused, but it is too late. His life, his refuge, his family are in ruin and there is no foundation for love in the attachment for which he has forsaken all.
Lust alone as the primary basis for immutable intimacy does not endure, but burns out in a short interval. Many people are surprised when, after a year or two, or even a month or two, in a relationship or marriage, there is no foundation of love to rely upon. They may have transitioned from the honeymoon excitement of lust into the day to day, constant, consistent sameness of the everyday world. Without the thrill of habitual eroticism, they are lost. They look at one another and wonder about the stranger in their bed. They have mistaken lust for love.
The driving force of lust can make us believe we cannot live without the constant energy of the other person. This is primarily a physiological condition. Energy, alchemy, chemistry, and hormones create the illusion of an emotional investment when, in truth, none exists. The initial chemical reaction persists in supporting the desperation of desire, while the time, similarity, and energy needed to support the growth and development of love have not been initiated or, worse yet, cannot ever exist.
Lust makes us giddy – two energies becoming one, but in a greater state together than apart. The ‘Jerry McGuire’ line, “You complete me,” is a perfect reflection of lust. Lust makes us forget ourselves and our own unique completeness in the constant drive to merge with our lover. The fixation of inferred fulfillment through the other can negate everything the individual actually needs for his own life, growth, and development. It is as though the alchemy of the moment annuls an entire existence of wisdom.
People often fall in love with being in lust. It is fun to have those roller coaster feelings. It feels as though we are alive and awake and aware of everything about our partner in a more extreme way. There is an excitement in lust which cannot be found in any other human experience. For the young, it is the new impressions on mind, body, heart, and spirit. As we grow older, it reminds us of the newness of life we have long since missed. Lust becomes as addictive as any drug, opening us to a lifetime of unfulfilled romantic dreams, for dreaming is at the core of lust. Like a dream, without a firm foundation of love as its’ support, lust fades in the light of day.
What is true love? It appears when two spirits recognize each other – what they sense and know of each other – and blend together while remaining distinctly separate. We distinguish this soul as a unique being, particularly matched to our own peculiarities. Even within that recognition, however, there is no romantic notion that somehow without the other in our lives we cannot exist. Our spirits know we can continue perfectly well on our own. No exaggerating, exasperating obsession – simply and beautifully an acknowledgment of the grace found in combining.
When love is real, it conflicts with nothing, but supports everything that each partner is independently working to achieve. Our present lives fall into the glorious sustenance of a companion soul, further fulfilling our endeavors by their presence in our lives. We have our own power, demeanor, and space. In some way, however, we are better able to live within our spirits and power while in the companionship of the one we love. There is greater breadth and depth in the articulation of our selves because of the support of the other. What was a life lived in full-color moves into technicolor – more vivid, vibrant, exciting – discovered simply in the sharing.
Love is something more akin to the swelling of a river from its’ banks during a spring rain – nothing forced, but flowing. Not so urgent as the flushing flood of lust, but gently pressing and expanding. Constantly building, growing – gracefully reaching up to caress the banks of our beings with that for which we did not know we were thirsting.
It is the difference between a quickening and a deepening. Lust is the quickening that alerts us to potential. Love is the deepening of spiritual beings merging. Lust reaches its’ highest calling in service to the awakening of love. Love, in all its’ many forms, resounds as our souls’ ultimate goal for existence.
Words of love are often used as words of lust, but there is a different texture when spirit joins the scene. There is a special space around the words – a warmth, a glow, a sensuality – which moves beyond mere touching. It is the texture of merging – energy, spirit, emotions – connecting.
Many people experience being ‘in love’ in a positively goofy, obsessive/compulsive way. Certainly the rush of falling in lust causes such feelings, but lust and love, while sometimes appearing in concert, are two very different sensibilities.
What is lust and what is love? Is there a difference between the two? If the distinction exists, how does it show itself and what does that contrast mean in our lives?
It is relatively simple to recognize the teenager in the lustful groove of puberty. Certainly, with no more self or societal awareness than most adolescents possess, we can assume pure lust in their coupling motives, with the confusion of ‘love’ thrown in for histrionics. The constantly eager sexual state of being which is clearly associated with puberty stands as the definition of lust. We accept, with some trepidation, this state in the teen, understanding that the newness and intensity of sexual stimulation can be overwhelming to the inexperienced. While there are some exceptions, most of these early relationships never develop beyond curious, excited bumps in the night. Young lovers part with all the drama of a Shakespearean play, yet recover from their bout with ‘love’ at missile speed, only to move on to their next partner for further lessons in passion.
Pure lust, by its’ nature, is for the young. It is unseemly for those meeting the decades of passing to take on its’ charms. Yet the middle aged man (or woman) inclines to willfully disregard character, covenant, principle, and take up with another in direct opposition to all he has held dear through his life – his pledge, his integrity, his honor. In doing so, he shows the effects of lust. He happily betrays everything of importance in his life with utter disregard for the resulting injury to his loved ones, all for chemistry, alchemy, being somehow magically transformed – ‘in love.’ He reminds us of nothing more than the ancient symbol of the grey-bearded goat in full rut, chasing after his prurient booty. He is under a spell, reaching for lost vigor, ready to destroy that which he has spent years – frequently a lifetime – to develop, ardent to devastate the hard earned respect of friends and family, all for a connection based upon physical responses to exotic stimuli.
Meanwhile, he declares himself as being ‘in love’ without the ability to clearly define the nature of his coupling or characteristics of his beloved which separate her from all others. In time, when the chemical reaction fades, he comes to realize the damage his amorous adventure has caused, but it is too late. His life, his refuge, his family are in ruin and there is no foundation for love in the attachment for which he has forsaken all.
Lust alone as the primary basis for immutable intimacy does not endure, but burns out in a short interval. Many people are surprised when, after a year or two, or even a month or two, in a relationship or marriage, there is no foundation of love to rely upon. They may have transitioned from the honeymoon excitement of lust into the day to day, constant, consistent sameness of the everyday world. Without the thrill of habitual eroticism, they are lost. They look at one another and wonder about the stranger in their bed. They have mistaken lust for love.
The driving force of lust can make us believe we cannot live without the constant energy of the other person. This is primarily a physiological condition. Energy, alchemy, chemistry, and hormones create the illusion of an emotional investment when, in truth, none exists. The initial chemical reaction persists in supporting the desperation of desire, while the time, similarity, and energy needed to support the growth and development of love have not been initiated or, worse yet, cannot ever exist.
Lust makes us giddy – two energies becoming one, but in a greater state together than apart. The ‘Jerry McGuire’ line, “You complete me,” is a perfect reflection of lust. Lust makes us forget ourselves and our own unique completeness in the constant drive to merge with our lover. The fixation of inferred fulfillment through the other can negate everything the individual actually needs for his own life, growth, and development. It is as though the alchemy of the moment annuls an entire existence of wisdom.
People often fall in love with being in lust. It is fun to have those roller coaster feelings. It feels as though we are alive and awake and aware of everything about our partner in a more extreme way. There is an excitement in lust which cannot be found in any other human experience. For the young, it is the new impressions on mind, body, heart, and spirit. As we grow older, it reminds us of the newness of life we have long since missed. Lust becomes as addictive as any drug, opening us to a lifetime of unfulfilled romantic dreams, for dreaming is at the core of lust. Like a dream, without a firm foundation of love as its’ support, lust fades in the light of day.
What is true love? It appears when two spirits recognize each other – what they sense and know of each other – and blend together while remaining distinctly separate. We distinguish this soul as a unique being, particularly matched to our own peculiarities. Even within that recognition, however, there is no romantic notion that somehow without the other in our lives we cannot exist. Our spirits know we can continue perfectly well on our own. No exaggerating, exasperating obsession – simply and beautifully an acknowledgment of the grace found in combining.
When love is real, it conflicts with nothing, but supports everything that each partner is independently working to achieve. Our present lives fall into the glorious sustenance of a companion soul, further fulfilling our endeavors by their presence in our lives. We have our own power, demeanor, and space. In some way, however, we are better able to live within our spirits and power while in the companionship of the one we love. There is greater breadth and depth in the articulation of our selves because of the support of the other. What was a life lived in full-color moves into technicolor – more vivid, vibrant, exciting – discovered simply in the sharing.
Love is something more akin to the swelling of a river from its’ banks during a spring rain – nothing forced, but flowing. Not so urgent as the flushing flood of lust, but gently pressing and expanding. Constantly building, growing – gracefully reaching up to caress the banks of our beings with that for which we did not know we were thirsting.
It is the difference between a quickening and a deepening. Lust is the quickening that alerts us to potential. Love is the deepening of spiritual beings merging. Lust reaches its’ highest calling in service to the awakening of love. Love, in all its’ many forms, resounds as our souls’ ultimate goal for existence.
Words of love are often used as words of lust, but there is a different texture when spirit joins the scene. There is a special space around the words – a warmth, a glow, a sensuality – which moves beyond mere touching. It is the texture of merging – energy, spirit, emotions – connecting.
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